This Wasn't Supposed to Happen...!

So my Bjork stories are really good. They date all the way back to my earliest days in New York; I hadn't even graduated from high school yet. The Sugarcubes were still together. I was on and off with them; but Stick Around for Joy was such a good album, so we were once again on. Seriously..is Hit not one of the best songs ever recorded...?

Anyway, we loved Bjork, she'd never and looked nor sounded better. She was also the cover model on the newest issue of Project X. So she was right up there with Lady Miss Kier and Linda Evangelista in terms of fierce chicks of 1992. We freakin loved her and the mini bun hairstyle she was rocking during that time period.

That Good Friday, as in the Catholic holiday, some friends and I schlepped out to Limelight. I don't remember specifically what I wore, only that it was black and I didn't think it was one of my better outfits. I remembered being a little annoyed because this New York clubbing excursion had grown pretty large. 4 was my maximum. Me, Colleen, Linda and Jill. But anyway, it was vacation, and my friends waned a dose of legendary New York fabulousness; and who better to lead them to it...?

I do recall being preoccupied with something, I really cannot tell you the specifics beyond that. Honestly, I have no idea what I did that evening. Bjork however had been in attendance and everybody was talking about it. Details magazine were also there taking pictures. They'd surface in the magazine a few months later. For a night out there was a lot going on.

For me it had been a tame one, I was maybe 6 weeks into the whole club kid thing and had recently done my first couple club hops. My nights were all about quantity. Only hitting one club was rather boring. But whatever, Bjork was there and I think a new Deee-Lite song debuted that night. Some people from high school were there to witness all this coolness. Rumors about me clubbing with Bjork and being photographed for Details were going to run rampant and I was going to make no effort to tell people. If I recall correctly I was preoccupied because I had a crush on Keoki, and I couldn't find him. He was hanging out with Bjork.

Nonetheless I did not see Bjork that evening...we were saving it for later. The details of her night out exist in this issue of Project X. The other cool thing was that my friends all saw her. Like I said, who better to lead them to excitement. The town we grew up in was freakin dullsville.

So a few months later I made the big move to NYC...it was very shortly (as in 15 minutes) after high school graduation. My landing point was a Pratt dorm in Brooklyn. I was hell bent, I would have walked through Bushwick in a tutu and silver platforms to Limelight, and likely could have pulled it off.

Anyway, my first saturday night I go to the movies with my friend Ron and his girlfriend. We went to see Cool World with their friend from Los Angeles. Little Kenny, or was it Lil Keni. Lil Keni sounds cooler so we will go with that. Keni lived in Brooklyn too so we head back together.

We traded stories of our history. One of his was about his "Icelandic pop star friend...Bjork". Seriously, I believe this sentence was. I have this friend Bjork she's an Icelandic pop star. In 1992 she dated a DJ named Doc Martin who pretty well known on the west coast. Keni and he were friends and that was how he knew Bjork. They really were friends though, there was validity to his name dropping. They were actual friends; like she stayed at his house when she came to New York.

Fast forward to Fall 1992 and the Sugarcubes released It's It, which is to be their last album. It's the "remix" album. It was one of the few CD's that I actually made a point to go buy. Anyway they were playing Limelight the night it came out. There was also a "rave" party...though using that term was profoundly uncool. It was called "Shhh", you paid $10 and were given a key; the location was to be announced at 8 o clock that night.

That was "the" party everyone was going, but I was no fool. I wanted to go to Sugarcubes. Keni would be there and would bring me backstage. That is more or less how it went down. I spent the hour or so before the show with them back stage. They were all there. I remember finding Einer extremely sexy in person. Bjork is a total doll. Seriously she's freakin tiny in person. I was 6 foot 6 in my platforms. She came over to me right away, introduced herself and starting talking to me like we've known each other forever.

We drink with them, until it's time for the concert. Bjork is really amazing; like the way her voice fills a space and what she does with it. I love the concert, To this day I'm really stoked that I caught the Sugarcubes before they broke up. After it's over, we head back to the dressing room again. I rather specifically remember running up to Bjork and being like "Oh My God...you were AMAZING!!!" and her being all..."Thank You!" and hugging me. Totally surreal, like we were pals that night.

By now it's close to 3 am, so we all make our way over to Shhh, which was somewhere down on the Lower East Side. Since there were 6 Sugarcubes, they end up needing multiple taxis, so my friend Johnna and I end up in one with Siggy. We follow the one with Keni and Bjork. Siggy was fun, if I remember correctly he had swiped one of the bottles of Absolut from their dressing room. I remember all of them being very heavy drinkers...and really fun drinkers.

I don't hang out with Bjork too much at the party. I don't recall staying very long either. I already had my story for the night.

Fast forward to early spring 1993. Sugarcubes were now broken up and Bjork as a solo artist is all the buzz in music. It's a lazy summer afternoon and I end up meeting up with doorman extraordinaire Kenny Kenny and Astro Earl. I think we all happen upon each other trying to pick up raver boys in Washington Square Park. It turns into your quintessential New York afternoon, we hit up Dojo's for dinner. Afterwards, we stop by Patricia Field to visit Lil Keni. It's around 8 pm and they had just closed the store.

We get inside and there's Bjork sitting on the floor with a few envelopes from a film developing place. She had just come from some big music extravaganza in the desert somewhere. She was really enthralled with a performer named El Vez and had taken several photos with him. When we walk in, she comes running over to show us. Bjork was staying at Keni's that night and they were headed to The Grand later. The Grand is a space on 13th and Broadway, it was also called the Key Club later, and is best know as "Spa" which was a hotspot around the turn of the millenium.

Back then Thursday nights were hosted by Lee Chapel, the opening night was good but the party headed downhill fast. I would usually stop in. Tonight it would certainly be on the agenda. I had a friend who wasn't so underhanded with his social climbing and told him Bjork's plans for the evening and he was all over it. As luck would have we roll up to the club at the exact same time that Keni & Bjork's cab. They're also with Cheyenne; a Limelight doorgirl. It's all very civil and social and yay! we're part of Bjork's growing "entourage".

In a club environment they all flock to her. But before that happens Bjork comes over to me and asks me to help her remove the wrapper from her a lollipop she had acquired. I do, and she's flanked by trendy homos immediately. I exit the scene and a girl comes up to me and as all...."oh my god was that Bjork you were just talking to"? and I'm all..."Yeah".

About a year and half later, my roomate is in a lingerie shop called Lee Baumann on 8th st. It was the day of the MTV VMA's. Bjork is in there buying tights. The staff were all older jewish women and had absolutely no idea who she was. They had asked about her evening and wished her luck as she was nominated in some category. The last time I ever saw her in person was shortly after that. This time it was near Astor Place, she was walking was some rather tall gay dude.

Life in New York was random like that. There were certain people you'd see fairly often, and some you never saw at all. Fortunately I saw Bjork a bunch of times.

Does Narcissism Make You a Homo..?

I'm a bit of a narcissist; I'm also a bit of a homo. If I could have sex with myself I likely would, but not in the incestral sense. I just like to find myself attractive and know that other people think I'm hot too. But I have no problem admitting to all of this. (Nor sharing this information about me with a million strangers.) But anyway, I'm only sharing this to note that I know what I'm talking about when I discuss narcissism.

Check of this pic of Weiner and his wife that ran in the post yesterday.

I'm sorry but...what a homo...!

Weiner's been pinging my gaydar since the beginning of this scandal. Spare me the anti-stereotyping decrees; and put yourself in a judgmental place and agree with me that he looks like a big flipping mo.

Self-nudes, sexting, naughty email exchange; it's all a fairly new way of communicating. Much of the over 40 generation can't really wrap their head around it, to them it's full on reprehensible, only a person with no morals does that. I can't help but wonder if that makes it a taboo for some and instantly makes it a turn on for some.

I had a friend who did adult movies and stripped. He had a girlfriend, but she would get neglected for him to go frolic with generous gay men. That's what really pulled his strings. It's obvious because that's what he would choose to do. Granted there was a financial motivation; but I knew him, he got off on getting paid. It filled a void in him, much like it did for Weiner to hear that young 20 something thought he was hot.

Not that Weiner is a total fudgepacker, but he's got no problem critiquing male beauty, namely his own. I wonder where that falls on the kinsey scale.

Anyone can change...anyone..!

Time for another controversial gay viewpoint froom yours truly.

I think it's a choice. This may sound dickish, but I think a majority of gays don't really think about it. They just reiterate what's already been jammed down their throat by the community. The common viewpoint is that it's genetic, because somehow that makes it more acceptable for society. Like god created the gay, therefore the bible thumpers are way off base for not accepting it. The person who "choses" to be gay is a sexual deviant. So therefore it's not a choice.

I don't agree with any of this. I do believe in the Kinsey scale. Personally I think most people are born inherently bisexual, and then at some point in their life they make a decision as to how the want to spend their lives; be it gay, straight or bisexual. It depends on one's tendency to cater to societal norms; even these days even choosing to be gay has a certain level of conformity to it.

Nature likely does play a role and pushes you in one direction or another. When I was younger I was deeply attracted to guys, especially when I felt that I would never get to have one. Now it's decades later and I've had tons of them. I still am, but I also understand that attraction better.

But let's say I ended up spending a lot of time with Megan Fox and we really hit it off. What if we get along great and one night we ignore my "orientation" and we go at it, Let's say it's amazing and we fall madly in love. Let's say it last several years; and it's even monogamous. Is it really that out of left field to think that I may no longer have an interest in dudes...?

Do I think Christian De-Gaying Shock Therapy can change one's mind...? Hell no! But do I think that de-gaying can happen...? Abso-freakin-lutely!

When I was younger, I was a huge fan of Morrissey. I mean huge! I loved the man, I would listen to nothing but him and could never imagine myself being anything other than a Smiths fan. It was intense it was passionate, I sold my entire record collection specifically to buy all Smiths & Morrissey. I followed him on the Northeastern US part of the Kill Uncle tour. I mean he literally was my world.

Nowadays I like the occasional song, but for a long time I wondered what the hell I was thinking. Look at marriage, at the time it seems like it's forever, but look what happens when it's not. It's like how was I ever attracted to this person..? How did I think I could spend the rest of my life with them...?

But yet if someone decides to widen that sudden lack of attraction to an entire gender...it's kiboshed by both gays and straights. But reality, gays analyze this more. Once a gay, always a gay, if you've ever longed for a penis you are doomed to life of bright Dolce & Gabbana, and redundant Lady Gaga songs. It's just that simple, and that really is the way a lot of them see it.

Me, I'm not the same person I was when I was 18. Not even slightly, I have very few of the same interests and hobbies. The hobbies I have now are things I thought I would never be interested in. If sleeping with women were part of that it wouldn't surprise me. On the same token, I also think it's something I could go out and pursue and become really "into" if I wanted to.

But honestly...I don't care. I'm happy with what I have going on. Sexuality is fickle and superficial as it is deep and spiritual. My love for Morrissey was deep and spiritual. But it's what I chose.

To say that I was born this way is ridiculous. It caters to the notion that "See I'm just like you idiot straight person who doesn't like me". We both come from the same god, so therefore you should accept me. My viewpoint is more of the "This is what I chose, and I like it...accept me or don't" variety.

David Lee freakin Roth..

So I'm digging this whole celebrity revisitation thing I have going on...

It's funny, when you move to New York you think you are going to meet celebrities if you land the right high profile position. The reality is, just work with the public. I worked at Newsbar on University. It's a bit of wealthy area. It's not necessarily residential, some blocks are. But tons of famous people would come in every day.

David Lee Roth went out a lot. Not much of a surprise. I had seen him many times already. When I graduated from High School, I had a major crush on DJ Keoki, who really liked me cause I was underage. He DJ'ed Thursdays at Save the Robots, so he let me put together a little guest list on the night I was graduating. There weren't many events going on that night, so it was quite dead. John Norris and David Lee Roth were both there though. It didn't really surprise me to see him there. I had read he went out a lot.

Later, I'd see Roth at Tunnel a couple of times, I think I may have even smoked pot with him. It should come as no surprise that he fit right in that environment. It was a bunch of crazy fun seeking party people.

But he lived in the village and he would come into Newsbar all the time. This was around when he was busted for buying pot in Washington Square Park. He was awesome though, I always made sure I waited on him cause he would pay for a moccachino with 40 bucks and give me the change. Awesome..Awesome dude!

One day he comes in obviously baked out of his mind. I'm at the register ringing him up, and he's reading the menu. The name of the drink he usually got was a double tall iced mocha. So he said it out loud twice...moves his face in a little closer and says..."kinda sounds like a strain of weed in year 2012 don't it..." and let's out a quintessential Van Halen song sounding laugh. Then he put his change in the tip cup.

I don't think I ever saw him again....Here's to you Senor Lee Roth!

Pauley back in the day.

My parents cannot get enough of Pauley Perrette. They simply adore her. Ironic because when I was sneaking out the house to go to Limelight back in 1992, it's very likely that she was checking my coat. In retrospect it doesn't surprise me at all that she worked her way to where she's at now. I'm sure that Expedia gig is hooking her up nice.

Pauley was a smart girl. There were certain people in that "scene" if you will who seemed really together, yet could still be fun and engaging. Even with the volatile nature of nightlife jobs, she always seemed to have one. There were certain people back then who had a certain something and people just really liked them. Chloe Sevigny was like that but we can get to her later. I didn't really expect Paulie to end up on mainstream primetime network television with my parents, but I'm happy to see her rach that level of success.

She was a coat check girl at Webster Hall. At Limelight I think she did a bunch of things. Go-go, cigarette girl, coat check, bartender. She was a centerfold in one of the issues of Michael Alig's Project X. So she was somewhat of a personality downtown, plus I remember her being really talkative and crazy personable. Like I said...people just really liked her.

I'd see her from time to time in magazines, and on the occasional talk show. She was on one because of her shaved head. I don't remember which show though. So she was pretty focused as far as getting herself out there. Based on her IMDB I would assume she started landed serious acting jobs shortly after that time period.

I don't really have any crazy stories about her per se. There was one night where one of my friends somehow ended up with a fur coat. Because of this I can shed some profound insight on alleged klepto Lindsay Lohan.

It's 5 am, you're at a club. You don't have to drive home, and you've been pounding vodka cranberry all night. You are friends with the coat check people, your friends are friends with coat check people. For some strange reason you find yourself getting your coat at the end on the night along with about 800 other people who want to get out of there as quickly as you do. The coat check people want to get out even faster. It's often chaos. Things happen.

This coat gets picked up by that attendant handed to another and told to give it to "her"; there is a lot of margin for error there. It's often crowded and unless the person is right there as the mix up is happening, It's not totally out of left field to just put a coat on and be like ...."well when did I buy this..?" Especially if you are drunk.

Please, even if I were just a little bit tipsy. Someone plops a $25,000 russian sable on my ass, I'm a pray that it's rightful owner never shows up. There is an infinite amount of possibilities as to how that situation transpired. I don't totally fault on Lindsay. I partied my ass off too and never meant any harm.

Back to Pauley...

One night one of my friends ended up with a fur coat. I actually wasn't there when this happened. I had hooked up with some random hot dude, but I would hear about it the next morning. Anyway, they traipsed all over town and back to my friends apartment. He lived across the street from F.I.T. Someone had seen him leaving with the coat on. His roommate was my friend Chris who worked there also, so they knew how to track it down.

I'm not sure 100% what went down. But I do know it was Pauley who was sent to retrieve the coat. Which they end up dropping out the window to her. In this case the parties involved were beyond bonkers. It's an Amy Winehouse level of partying that I'm hoping the ones who understand are in the minority. The one who gave me the scoop was my friend Peter who was not a big drug user. About a year later he discovers pot and his interest in going out wanes considerably.

I'm not really sure what kind of partying Pauley did if any. She always seemed pretty focused, even when the rest of us were falling all over each other.

A quick read of her Wikipedia page shows she held a wedding but filed a civil partnership......see that..!

"Leonardo freakin DiCaprio...what's a matter with you".

So today's topic...


Old School gay rumours about Leonardo DiCaprio...

..are generally not true. These aren't really wildly popular as they were in the 90's Titanic Era. But since he's in the tabloid news for dating Blake Lively. They are popping up all over the comments sections and celebrity gossip forums. It's always friends of this one, or that person's cousin works for Sony and blah blah blah....

Anyway...back in the day. Like winter 1993, I used to see Leo all the time in New York. Gilbert Grape had just created a buzz, and he was in town shooting the Basketball Diaries. My friend Glenn and I were completely obsessed with him. At that time his episodes of Growing Pains were in syndication. We freakin loved him.

He wasn't the mainstream Hollywood commodity yet, but he had Oscar rumor which he later got the nomination for. So he was very much so the denizen of downtown. If you had any form of life whatsoever, at one point you were rubbing elbows with Senor DiCaprio. Don't beleive me....ask anyone who lived there.

One friday night, Glenn & I were in our usual pouty bored to death stance at Tunnel. Seriously, Tunnel fridays were booo-ring. But the sudden, Leo comes vogueing through. It was more like a straight boy raver vogueing. But vogueing nonetheless; the two guys he was hanging out with were clearly gay. You're not supposed to bat an eyelash when stuff like that happens, but we stopped, gasped and stared. He totally saw, comes over and says hello. We basically spent the rest of the night following his every move.

Some celebrities when they would come to places like that would be roped off or surrounded by "people". He was not like that at all. He went every friday without fail, as did we. He was always very friendly. Normally he'd be with a few of his dudes, and that's who he'd leave with. But he'd drink and dance and do whatever just Joe Schmoe from an outer borough. He didn't make a big to do of himself or anything. I remember a few months later, I had taken a date there, and he went to go dance. He came back all flustered and bubbly, and was all..."oh my god..I was just dancing with Leonardo DiCaprio...!!!" Of course, I was like..yawn, yeah I know he's here every friday.

But the best Leo story was a winter snowstorm weekend, I think this was a year later. Seriously, he was as relentless at going out as I was. I walking my friend Steven from the door to a taxi which we were having a hard time. Mainly because he had shackled his feet together in 6 inch stiletto bondage boots. So his steps were fast and tiny. I should say her, actually. He was dressed up as Susie, this was like his second time doing it I think. We were really young, like 18/19.

When you're dressed in drag everyone cat calls you or attempts to get your attention in some way. Both positive and negative, but by the end of the night you are beyond sick of it. Unfortunately you are still in your ridiculous get up attracting mad attention to yourself, so you just want to deflect it.

Leonardo and Co were hanging out on some stairs that were on the side of the club. They said, hello to us and we walked by, I said Hi back, Steven completely snubs him and gives a dirty look. We get three feet past, and I say to him..."Steven..do you know who you just snubbed..."

He's all..."no"

I'm like "Leonardo freakin DiCaprio...what's a matter with you".

So we spin around, and Steven click clacks his shackled feet frantically fast. They are making way towards a cab and ask us where we are going. We tell him the after hours spot; and we're all.."were headed there..come with us". There were 5 of them, and only 4 can go in a cab. At this point it was looking pretty promising that Leo was gonna come with us. Adrenaline had kicked in and we were going to do everything we could to make it happen. He's even about to get in the cab and we're pulling him by the shoulders. All in fun, we were all laughing hysterically.

But alas Leo got in the cab, and we were able to get the one behind theirs. We didn't see him at that after hours. But I ran into a few weeks later and he said Hello. Kinda surreal, By the time Titanic has sailed...err...you know what I meant. From what I understand, he still went out. He went to Life, Twilo, like the mainstream popular night spots. He likely went to Roxy at some point, so I could see why gay rumors would run amuck.

But honestly, he never pinged my gaydar, even when vogueing while hanging out with two gay guys. In that time period, the "mixed" scene as it were in New York. It wouldn't be too uncommon for straight dudes; like brutally hot straight dudes, we never would have settled for anything less; to roll with an entourage of homos. We were friends with the hottest girls, we knew how to get in everywhere. We wouldn't compete with them.

Plus whenever they need an ego stroke they knew where to find one. And of course, there's always the random 3:30 am when said straight boy is whacked out of his mind on some combination that would seem downright lethal now. So who knows maybe this sort of thing went on...but big deal.

He's not gay. I think he has fine taste in women. Giselle in her prime...hello! But give the guy a break. As archaic as it may sound, it does seem like a straight guy can't be seen in a gay environment without being labeled. (By both ends of the Kinsey scale.) I don't see a People coming out cover anywhere in the near future. I don't care what your hairdresser, who's niece share's a dorm at NYU, "knows".

Discriminating Discerningly

So this is the gay related new item of the day....

I know it's hip and liberal to be anti-discrimination; but let's face reality. That's kinda what we do in our day to day lives. We do not get along with everybody. It's just how it is. Employers are being discriminatory when they hire. There is a certain criteria you are required to meet. Often how well you get along with everyone in the office is just as important as how well you do the job. It's all well and good to think that "merit" is the only criteria involved.

But everywhere you go, there usually is a certain "norm" to certain locations. I'm not sure if it's necessary for everyone to get along. I'm a firm believer in getting in where you fit in, period. So if you're gay, avoid Tennessee. See, but on the same token, in certain areas gays should be allowed to be just as discriminatory. After all, fair is fair. They can ban whomever they want, Republicans, Ugly People, Pale People, Stupid People, I really wouldn't be opposed to living in a zip code which required an entry exam...as long as it's an essay question. I kick ass at those.

Anyway, when you try to force people to get along it's a disaster. Back in the day when I was picked on in High School, I would always get these "hero" teachers who wanted to "protect me. I was a huge WWF fan..I didn't need protection from shit. But anyway, said teacher would get all up in my aggressors grill not to pick on me. So when I ran into said aggressor 15 minutes later when there was no teacher around, I only got it worse.

The laws to protect gays are this on a grander scale. It's not going to stop anyone from picking on you because you're a fudge packer. In fact they will be more inclined to do it, because it makes them all the more bad ass for doing so. I would rather know a company discriminates against gays and not work there, rather then sit amongst a roomful of people who are forced to like me.

Gay Marriage....Are You People Nuts..?

People always think that I say I am against gay marriage just to be difficult. First of all "against" is not the right word. It's not that I think it's gods will for a man and a woman or any of that crap. Plus I also think it's view that it undermines the sanctity of marriage. (That would require thinking there is actual sanctity in modern marriage in the first place.)

But, the fact of the matter is...I think the fight for gay marriage is a massive waste of time for the "community". What they should have done was pimped out the Domestic Partnership option so that it was better than marriage. Considering what ego maniacs the hardcore community homos tend to be, I would have thought they'd be all over this.

Alas, the continue the fight to be like everybody else. A concept that boggles my mind. I spent most of my life NOT wanting to be like anybody else. Now a days, I could really give a shit.

Nonetheless, I'm never gonna get married because it doesn't interest me. I don't want to pay for a divorce, and I'd rather not be legally tied to someone for the rest of my life. If there were a better less invasive option I might be interested. That would depend on what who I'm with looked like.

This I think actually would undermine the sanctity of marriage. More people would start opting for the domestic partnership option if it were more appealing than the current marriage package. People could still holding weddings, and buy the dress, and the ring and all that hoopla. But it's legally a domestic partnership ceremony, and statistically that's what people would be doing. Religious freaks could still get a good old fashioned marriage.

The gays had an opportunity, (and still do), to do something really progressive for modern society and they dropped the ball miserably. All for what I think is nothing more than semantics.